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The K​.​O​.​H​.​S. Years (2004​-​2007)

by Jordan Seal

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1.
Gypsy Angel 03:10
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I kick my sheets to the foot of the bed Feels better to freeze than to sleep in sweat The sky is blank, it's a new moon The space between stars reminds me of you You see all the things I don't Through smooth skin to broken bones You say all the things I won't Cos the words hurt worse than sticks and stones I can't admit you're gone Your words hover over my head Like vultures perched on the ceiling fan I pray for Somnus to bring me sand And for my dreams to be photographs You see all the things I don't Through smooth skin to broken bones You say all the things I won't Cos the words hurt worse than sticks and stones I can't admit you're gone And in the half-light before I wake I can hear your voice and see your face And I curse the sun smiling through the shade And I shut my eyes and I call your name I don't wanna cry another day But maybe one more flood will wash you away Til then I stare at a spreading stain At a gypsy angel I can't erase Erase Erase And I may never replace
2.
Aspartame 02:56
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Your quiet was a black cloud coming Thought thunder was your heart drumming And I ate up every stale crumb Of sour doting that you tossed off I see your lips, but the words mean nothing I feel your hands, but they aren't touching You say sweeter things as you're walking away Than you ever said when we were friends You lift me up to let me down You chew me up and spit me out Even though you're not around I can't get this taste out of my mouth Maybe it's an overreaction Acidic reflex of passion But I chafe at the silky compassion You changed into when our season passed Your silver cross has a long chain There's so much icing on your cake Your sugar looks like the real thing But I can taste the aspartame You lift me up to let me down You chew me up and spit me out Even though you're not around I can't get this taste out of my mouth
3.
Stand 04:49
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We held our hearts together For so long, they beat in time Love is a heavy tether And we tied ours too tight I think I need room to be Whoever it is that I'm gonna be But at every edge, you pull me back Feels like I'm walking in your tracks I need the freedom to make the mistakes that define me To get caught in the traps you see Even if I seem unsteady I stand On concrete and in sand Not knowing when I'll fall or where I'll land But I still stand Stand because I can't Start to find my own way If I have to hold your hand So we veer from shouts to silence And we taste new kinds of pain It's not the years, it's the mileage You reach and I pull away You see the wasted horizons Like a smudge on the picture frame I'm just trying to act my age And stand On concrete and in sand Not knowing when I'll fall or where I'll land But I still stand Stand because I can't Start to find my own way If I have to hold your hand
4.
Heights 03:57
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I know I want someone to love me But I chase the ones who think nothing of me Always one more river to cross, tooth to floss, unread email from the boss Bullet to bite, song to write, one more branch for me to climb Hand over hand, night after night I'll be reaching for the next rung that feels right Even though I'm scared of heights I keep my friends at an unhealthy distance To make room for lips I may never kiss For trains already missed, for fingers already pricked For lies I'll never live, I trade myself Always one more river to cross, tooth to floss, unread email from the boss Bullet to bite, song to write, one more branch for me to climb Hand over hand, night after night I'll be reaching for the next rung that feels right Even though I'm scared of heights That face in the mirror has the same laugh lines That we drew there in 2005 I tried to change and I don't know why I am the things I left behind That face in the mirror has the same laugh lines That we drew there in 2005 I tried to change and I don't know why I am the things I left behind To find one more river to cross, tooth to floss, unread email from the boss Bullet to bite, song to write, one more branch for me to climb Hand over hand, night after night I'll be reaching for the next rung that feels right Even though I'm scared of heights
5.
Conditioning 02:53
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My legs are heavy and I'm out of breath My mouth is dry and I'm soaked in sweat And I'm too tired to second guess The words like a bat against my chest Guess you have great expectations And I guess that you know best So I swallow all that poison And pretend it's medicine Disappointment, mixed with spit Flows from your mouth like a faucet And you jackhammer that dry-erase pen Driving it in, driving it in Guess you have great expectations And I guess that you know best So I swallow that poison And pretend it's medicine Tonight the bleachers are filled with friends And we rally for our only win But the only thing I'm celebrating Is that I never have to wear this jersey again Guess you had great expectations And I guess that you knew best And so I swallowed all that poison And it wasn't medicine
6.
Fever 02:35
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Holly showed me some of your pictures Holly said you smiled at my name I spent the summer caught in a fever And I dreamed you'd feel the same Maybe I was too eager asking And you didn't know what to say But I never thought that love would last for just one day You stood in a circle of your friends You'd known since the 2nd grade I practice smiling and pretend That your words don't mean anything And I dance with upperclassmen But I'm looking to see your face Cos I never thought that love would last for just one day I never thought that love would last for just one day
7.
You Wouldn't See Me 02:53
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We go out and you light up And shine on the hungry night I've been drilling for water Now you're spilling over the sides Oh, I don't have to hide Because you're blindly bright There's no spot in your light You wouldn't see me if you tried Am I just a daydream you float by? Do I get the real thing or the afterglow? Rehearsal or the show? Oh, I don't have to hide Because you're blindly bright There's no spot in your light You wouldn't see me if you tried Am I just a daydream you float by? Do I get the real thing or the afterglow? Rehearsal or the show? We're on opposite banks Of a crowd too rough to ride By the time that I reach you You're ready to capsize Oh, I don't have to hide Because you're blindly bright There's no spot in your light You wouldn't see me if you tried If you tried If you tried
8.
Blind 02:58
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It took one conversation For you to penetrate My very best defenses I was a gentile Eagerly converted I was coarse And you were fine, fine, fine You were my first pour Of a brand new grind I was blind Too blind to turn out the light So, um, do you think we could, um Physical education Is more than masters baiting Schoolboy fantasies I was afraid to tear a page from those magazines I was coarse And you were fine, fine, fine You were my first pour From a brand new grind I was blind Too blind to turn out the light I was coarse And you were fine, fine, fine You were my first pour Of a brand new grind But I was blind I was blind (turn out the lights) I was blind I was blind (turn out the lights) Do you think you wanna? Do you think you gotta? Do you think you'll show me what you know?
9.
Ashes 03:45
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I swept the last of the soft grey ash, I swept it in a vase And set it on the dresser beside the empty frame One night when I'd been drinking, I poured it in the drain But before I ran the water, I felt you flickering in the remains The shape of your lips, the pain of a wish Rose up like flames But sunlight on a picture makes the picture fade Every time I remember, a little bit disintegrates Until only the ash remains My fingers grasped for every last grain that I could save And I poured them on the table And ran my fingers through their warm embrace The shape of your lips, the pain of a wish For one more day But sunlight on a picture makes the picture fade Every time I remember, a little bit disintegrates Until only the ash remains The more I touch you, the more I crave But there are barely embers where, I swear, there used to be a blaze Cos sunlight on a picture makes the picture fade Every time I remember, a little bit disintegrates Until only the ash remains
10.
Inside Joke 04:03
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I'm laughing, laughing and I don't know why Some memories fade and some age into wine I'm cracking, so it seems from outside But from the look on your face I can tell that you know why If nobody laughs and nobody knows Then it's gold, it's an inside joke If nobody claps or rocks your roll If the crowd is cold, it's an inside joke That you tell with your friends over and over and over again And feel that ink sinking in Into your skin I'm crying, crying and I don't know why So many things fade but some seem fossilized I'm trying to read in between the lines You wrote in the days When the blood in these veins felt like mine If nobody laughs and nobody knows Then it's gold, it's an inside joke If nobody claps or rocks your roll If the crowd is cold, it's an inside joke That you tell with your friends over and over and over again And feel that ink sinking in Into your skin
11.
One of a Kind 02:29
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I know you're not one of a kind But I know only one kind Of love, the hungry vine The overgrowth I lunge from lost into found To four-letter words, the prowl and the pounce From the bedroom to playing house To watching my phone New play, same roles New face, same pose That I held for so long It changed the shape of my bones I hang from the tip of your lips And some men would dance on this precipice But I'm applying for permanent residence I'm building a home New play, same roles New face, same pose That I held for so long It changed the shape of my bones I thought I felt my future in her fingertips So I started moving mountains to make room for it And when she left, I couldn't brace the emptiness So I'm filling it, I'm filling it New play, same roles New face, same pose That I held for so long It changed the shape of my bones
12.
Lullaby 03:13
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Blackout shades on the windows Tiptoes creak on the floor I am your blanket and pillows You thunder when I touch the door It's the same story every night Oooh, every night I sing the same lullaby And when I sing, it makes you cry You won't go down without a fight I hug you tighter against me And I show you the cracks in my mask I am a broken levee And we're drowning in things that I can't hold back No matter how hard I try Oooh, every night I sing the same lullaby And when I sing, it makes you cry You won't go down without a fight And when I speak, it doesn't seem so bad I shut the door and there's still static But lying in bed, when the day plays back The shadow in the water moves too fast
13.
Upstairs 01:35
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The brakes wheeze behind me As the bus drives away The pine trees towering They don't offer any shade The door is open for me And when I hear you call my name I stretch a smile on my cheeks And read you Cliffnotes of the day But all I want is to be upstairs Cos up there, I can change From being new in school To that familiar face That the braces cannot shape That the pimples cannot shame That only comes out when its safe And that I see less of every day
14.
Fourth of July 03:33
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All of our friends are laughing and drinking Cheerwine As I try to squint through the headlights in her eyes I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forgive you And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forget (Not tonight) But tonight it's salt and ice on my lips I'm holding on too tight to her kiss The only sparks that night Were celebrating Fourth of July I brush up against her hand and she doesn't move You brought a new friend and it fans a burning fuse I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forgive you And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forget (Not tonight) But tonight it's salt and ice on my lips I'm holding on too tight to her kiss The only sparks that night Were celebrating Fourth of July I must like the sting of that whip Cos I use it on myself again and again And I must feel trapped on this old bridge If she is the match I will burn it with I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forgive you And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forget you I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forgive you And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forget you I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forgive you And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forget you I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forgive you And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forget you As soon as I can

about

A compilation of songs I started writing when I was in high school. These recordings were made/released in early 2021.

2004: Ashes, Fever
2005: Lullaby, Aspartame
2006: Stand, Conditioning, You Wouldn't See Me, One of a Kind, Blind
2007: Gypsy Angel, Upstairs, Inside Joke, Heights, Fourth of July

credits

released May 30, 2021

Recorded and mixed by me, using a Tascam DP-006.

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Jordan Seal Atlanta, Georgia

Hi there. I'm Jordan.

I'm a normal person, leading a normal life. But in my free time, I also like to make music.

You can find some of it here.

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